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Top 5 Biggest Beard Mistakes
It has been said that you only have one chance to make a first impression, so make sure you avoid the following. On the list of things people will remember about you, your face is up there at the top. Facial hair can completely change how you look, so make sure you aren’t sending the wrong message.
5. Wild Sides
This one affects a lot of men, and due to being stubborn about grooming, they refuse to address it. It is one thing to embrace what the good lord gave you, it’s another to abuse your face and ignore what is obviously ridiculous. This most often occurs on the sides of the beard, from the sideburns down to the jaw line. The hair that grows along this portion of the face can naturally head outwards instead of down, sometimes with comical outcomes.
You are going to want to tame this with some beard conditioner, like Arbuckle. Otherwise you can begin to look like a fuzzy poofball. Especially with a round face, having the sides of your beard shooting out, you can look like a child’s drawing of the sun. Get some conditioner and a solid comb, work those errant hairs down into alignment. No one want’s to look like an orangutan that stuck a finger in a light socket.
4. The Creeper
Sometimes nature takes time. Regardless, if you can’t grow it… don’t. Severe patches can simply make you look unkempt at best. There is nothing wrong with growing out your beard to fill in a couple spots, but if your facial hair looks like an oasis in the desert, you aren’t fooling anyone.
This is commonly a mistake by young men, hipsters, and those living in mom’s basement. Stick with growing and grooming what grows in fully. This may be a great time to work on that mustache, or perhaps just the chin. The worst thing you can do is to just “let it grow” when it simply doesn’t grow. Give it time… if first impressions are truly the ones that stick, and science says that is true, you are going give the impression you haven’t seen a mirror in a decade, and that you hang out at children’s playgrounds.
3. The Wizard
You’ve grown your beard, and you kept going… and going. You are now well past ZZ Top, and nearing some form of state record. At this point, it’s clear… you can grow a magnificent beard. You don’t have to prove anything anymore.
We all know you have to spend 45 minutes drying off after a shower, and that you get your beard caught in your fly after you get piss on it at the urinal. What you are doing is against nature. It’s against God’s will. No beard was meant to last this long. If you were in the wild, you would have chewed threw your beard to untangle yourself from the shrubbery you were squatting in.
Any pride you feel for growing that beard longer than the deep end of a swimming pool can’t possibly be worth having it get caught around the shaft during doggie style. The compliments from people now and then can’t possibly get rid of the stench burnt hair and broken condoms leaves in the air.
While letting everything just grow wild isn’t always the best way to go, neither is overdoing things. Grooming and trimming are perfectly normal, but turning your face into a work of abstract art isn’t exactly the best option either. Carving geometric shapes and designs into your beard is ridiculous and leaves you looking like you are trying to win an ice skating competition, or walk the runway in a post-modern fashion show.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. It’s fantastic that your facial hair is growing dark and thick enough to allow you to create images by shaping and shaving… but please don’t. Your face shouldn’t resemble one of those 3D eye posters. No one needs to be looking for a sailboat in your damn sideburns there Picasso.
So, you’ve avoided all the aforementioned mistakes. You are well groomed, not a giant douchebag, and you keep your beard clean and conditioned. Congratulations, now lead by example. The biggest mistake you can make is being a braggart. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your beard, showing it off on Instagram, or talking about your beard. Mocking those who have yet to reach your level of beard glory however is a mistake.
Don’t go around and bully people because you finally figured out how to use a pair of scissors, some beard oil, and have the testosterone/genetics to achieve the perfect facial specimen. Be the better man, don’t just claim to be the better man.
Learn from these mistakes, and avoid making them. Let your face make the first impression you want it to and beard on.
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